


Like It's the Last Time (Erwin x Reader)

by ThatGinjahNinja



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, F/M, Goodbye Sex, Kissing, Love, Making Love, Manga Spoilers, Oral Sex, Romance, Sexual Content, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-28 15:42:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6334759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGinjahNinja/pseuds/ThatGinjahNinja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>*This story is lemon. Skip somewhere else if you're not interested in those.*</p><p>Part One of Three:<br/>Erwin Smith can't afford to be the Survey Corps commander <i>and </i>be in love at the same time, but saying goodbye has been harder than he thought, especially when neither of you were ready for it to be the last time.</p><p>The first part is kind of dialogue heavy because that's how I wanted to write it, and the second and third part will explore how the pair have gotten along without one another.</p><p>**The cover image was on Pinterest and I have searched for its original owner to no avail. If someone knows who it belongs to, please point me in their direction.**</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> *This story is lemon. Skip somewhere else if you're not interested in those.*
> 
> Part One of Three:  
> Erwin Smith can't afford to be the Survey Corps commander _and_ be in love at the same time, but saying goodbye has been harder than he thought, especially when neither of you were ready for it to be the last time.
> 
> The first part is kind of dialogue heavy because that's how I wanted to write it, and the second and third part will explore how the pair have gotten along without one another.
> 
> **The cover image was on Pinterest and I have searched for its original owner to no avail. If someone knows who it belongs to, please point me in their direction.**

*This story is lemon. Skip somewhere else if you're not interested in those.*

 

You sat on the thick rug, in front of the blazing warmth from the fireplace. It's flames were the only source of light in the darkened bedroom, save the moonlight streaming in from the window. A soft, woolen blanket draped loosely over your naked body.

"Erwin," you called to the silent robed figure at the window. He turned your direction just as he was finishing tying the white sash around his waist, and you continued your thought. "Hold me for awhile."

The tall, commanding form and deep voice of Erwin Smith might have offended some with his next actions, but this was your choice, after all. He breathed out a loud sigh, turned his attention back to the window, and asked, "Already? Why always so soon afterwards?"

"You know why. This conversation gets longer every time. Do you have to be obstinate about it? It won't change anything." The irritation in your voice was clear. 

He groaned softly, before taking the few steps to the fireplace. As he leaned to scoop you into his arms and carry you to his huge bed, you jerked both of his wrists with all of your might, causing him to quickly lose balance and topple with a loud yelp onto the rug. Laughing at his complete lack of grace, something very out of the ordinary for the new commander of the Survey Corps, distracted you enough that he was able to return to his feet. With a playful growl, he jerked you up into well-defined arms and flung you onto the bed, leaving the woolen blanket abandoned on the rug.

Still laughing at how undignified he was behaving, you yanked him down beside you on the mattress. Even Erwin Smith couldn't help but laugh gently at your childish antics. Holding open the bed's comforter, along with his arms, he gestured for you to lay with him. Climbing into the blanket, you nestled yourself beside him, head atop a heavily scarred chest. 

As you began tracing tenderly over the dips and curves of his musculature, across the sensitive skin that seemed to hold permanent bruising from tight harness straps, the atmosphere in the darkened bedroom changed quickly. One arm pulled you snuggly against his body, clinging to you tightly, while the free hand pet soothingly through your (h/c) hair. You knew it was coming when he took a deep breath, holding it in as he thought of what to say.

"Why do you do this to yourself every time, (f/n)?" he asked, kissing the top of your hair.

"That's not what you really wanted to ask, was it?" you accused.

You felt the rumble in his chest as he groaned at his transparency. "Why do you do this to  _me_?" he amended.

You didn't answer. It was an old topic that the pair of you had discussed many times. Your positions on the matter had changed over time and on more than one occasion. There was no good answer. It was selfishness on the part of both of you, neither willing to make the final move.

"Don't leave this time," he requested, large hand still running idly through your hair, arm squeezing you to him a little tighter.

"It's better when I do. It hurts less. This is enough. You holding me this way--it's enough."

"Then I won't hold you the next time. If that's all it would take to keep you here as long as I can, then I won't hold you, and you won't leave before morning." You could see in those crystal blue eyes of his that he was serious.

"You _will_ hold me or I won't come at all. I can't stay. It's too much for me," you reiterated. 

You'd long lost count of just how many times you'd told him. He wanted you to spend as much time with him as his leave of duty would allow, and you knew how that felt. When the two of you had first began seeing one another, it was you who hadn't wanted more time. As the days grew longer in between, however, it became more and more painful to bid him goodbye. So much so, that now you favored leaving as quickly as possible.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he grumbled, "Why do this at all then? Do you simply enjoy torturing yourself this way?"

Sitting up quickly, you countered, "You're one to talk!"

He leaned into the headboard, after joining you sitting up, and pulled you to rest on his lap. You tried to make yourself deadweight in an effort to be difficult, but it made no difference to the well-built man you called your lover. 

Tilting your chin so that you were facing him, he said, "It's torture for me either way! I say goodbye again and again, or I live my life without you forever...but you...you could still get married to a man inside the walls. You could have a family and live a normal life. You could find someone not always leaving you behind."

He was frustrated. He had a plan for the future of all humankind, and it left little room to spend being in love. He wanted your happiness much more than his own, but letting you go was becoming harder for him each time. He was growing dependent on the solace you offered his mind. Erwin knew if he continued to see you this way, there would come a time he would beg you to stay...perhaps even forcing it. The older the two of you became, the more this seemed to weigh on him and the more he pushed for things he knew would make you irritated.

"You deserve to be free of this torture I started," he muttered.

"You think that wouldn't be torture of its own? What kind of a wife could I be for anyone? Always comparing him--always imagining him to be Erwin Smith. What would my children say when the news finally comes that you've been killed, and I lose interest in living?"

"Don't say that!" he ordered. He turned solemn quickly. You knew it would sting him. That's why he had tried in vain to end things with you more than once. He wanted you to be rid of him before the inevitable day a Titan claimed his life. Quietly, he vowed, "You can't. You wouldn't."

"Maybe I wouldn't, but I know I'd be no use as a mother during that time. I won't put children through something that was never their mistake."

"You think this was a mistake?" His voice was low...dejected.

"Don't you? We were stupid kids when we started this. Wouldn't you be more at ease if we'd never met?" you questioned. Though you'd been trying to be confident in your words, a tear slipped down your cheek.

He didn't answer. He just wrapped both arms around you, resting his cheek to the top of your hair. There was no need for him to say it aloud. It was simple fact. There was no way that what the two of you had could end in a happily ever after. Of course it had been a mistake for you to fall in love with him, just as it had been a mistake for Erwin Smith to fall in love at all. His goal had always been to lead the Survey Corps against the Titans. He knew what he wanted his destiny to be, and that didn't include a lover or a family life, but by the time he'd been promoted, it was too late. He'd already fallen for you.

"At least let me say it, then," he whispered, lips tickling softly as they moved in your hair.

"No. It feels like bad luck," you stated. "It feels like the time we say it will be the time you come back dead."

"Then what's the point of continuing all of this? You don't want to stay with me in the short time we're allowed. You don't want me to confess my feelings. Why do we keep coming together, if you don't even want me to be honest and tell you that I lo-"

You put both hands over his mouth and shook your head. "It's not honesty. You will _never_ choose me over your duty, and I would never expect you to do so. You _can't_ feel that way for me. You can't afford to."

"Still, I do. It's selfish of me, I know. The pain I've caused others in this life...I shouldn't be allowed this. Loving you should be wrong, but I don't know how to stop."

You should have comforted him. You should have assured him that it didn't matter to you, but you didn't. You knew it would never stop him from agonizing over it. You wanted him to be free from that pain as much as he wanted you to love someone else, but you didn't know whether or not either of you would ever be willing to be that selfless.

Instead, after a long time spent in silence, you responded, "When you are ready to leave me and forget about me...when you truly aren't coming back for me, _then_ you can tell me."

He looked at you hard, thick eyebrows knitted together in a frown. "You can't mean that."

"I do. You say you want me to move on and live a normal life with someone else, but you aren't capable of letting me be. You keep me hanging onto this thread of hope that we can be together."

"I don't want to hurt you more than I already have," he said softly, his eyes taking a somewhat darker hue.

"I know that. I know," you started, running fingertips tenderly across his broad neck, but he interrupted your words quickly.

"-but I _do_ want you to move on and find some kind of happiness, because I _do_ love you."

"Erwin!" you protested, sitting up again and turning to face him. Your face felt overheated in a mix of shock, panic, and a sudden anguish.

"I love you, (F/n). I love you more than anything or anyone I could ever hope to love," he declared, taking your hands in his.

"Erwin, stop this," you begged, jerking your hands free of his. You had only meant it as a "when the time comes" empty sort of bluff. Your heart was beating wildly trying to process how things seemed to be going wrong so quickly. "I-I didn't mean now. I don't want this."

"You'll never want it...and neither will I." Erwin's voice was steady and stern, a fact that only hurt you more. "You're right, though. I have to let you be, and I will...just--say you'll stay with me tonight."

"No," you argued. You'd seen it, the moment of weakness in his resolve. In his request to have you stay, his voice had grown desperate. You tried to grip tightly to that advantage, continuing, "No! I won't. You'll come back, like you always do."

"Look at me," he said, forcing your face to his. His expression couldn't have been more sincere, and you could feel your heart crumbling. "I won't come into your life again like this. No more wrecking everything you build for yourself in the times I'm gone. Things will only become more hectic now that I'm the commander. Seeing you will be less and less possible. I can't have you waiting and worrying your whole life away."

You shook your head rapidly, and he used his thumbs to wipe the tears you were shedding. "It's my choice, too," you wanted to shout. Instead it had come out as more of a squeak.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but this is the right thing to do. You said so yourself."

"How can you be so calm and callous about it?" you whimpered.

"I'm afraid to show you how much this hurts. I'm afraid I'll change my mind and keep you on the end of that thread forever. That's the last thing I want." 

He embraced you firmly, but you shrugged him off and stood from the bed. You'd heard the wavering in his voice and knew his words were true, but selfishly, you wanted him to look as broken as you felt. Ashamed at your wishes, you walked away from him to stare blankly into the flames of the fireplace.

Instead of sobbing, you felt numb, something that had never happened to you in the presence of Erwin Smith. The reason the two of you couldn't seem to stay apart was because of the way life felt so much more worth living, so much more worth enduring. To feel so empty in his bedroom now scared you.

You felt the heat from his body as he approached you from behind, stopping just shy of touching you and wrapping the blanket from the rug around your bare shoulders. 

"Please help me see this through," he whispered. "We both knew this couldn't be forever."

As if something had clicked into place, you realized how right he was. It would only become more painful every time, wouldn't it? There would have to be an end at some point, and as things stood, you weren't even able to keep his company without feeling the ache of losing him. He was doing you both a favor by not prolonging things any further. At least, that's what you told yourself. Neither of you yet knew the trails true love could endure.

Turning to look at him, you gave a slight nod to let him know you agreed. 

His face relaxed, and quietly he proclaimed, "I love you, (F/n). I love you. I'm afraid you'll have to indulge me the chance to tell you until I've gone."

"Then kiss me. Kiss me again and hold me like you can't let go, Erwin. Make love to me like it's the last time."

His eyebrows furrowed together, giving him the look of a man frantic with need. You barely had time to register before his lips had crushed into yours with almost bruising force. You welcomed his desperation, because your desire to feel him was just as urgent. Mouths were open, tongues mingling, swallowing gasps and whimpers hastily.

And then Erwin had you lifted around his waist, back pressed against the cold stone wall, bringing you closer, kissing you deeper. You felt drunk with lust for this man. The thought occurred to you that, if he set you down, you surely wouldn't be able to use your legs. 

While one arm was wrapped around behind you, keeping you from falling, Erwin's other hand sought desperately for something he couldn't see. Too hungry to break away from your kiss, he felt blindly down your arm until his fingers tangled with yours. A little whine escaped him as he gripped your hand and brought the pair to rest between the two of you against his chest.

The pounding of his heart, that you could feel behind the firm muscle as he clutched your hand in his, threatened to undo you. Your resolve felt weak suddenly. You wanted to take it back. This couldn't be the last time. This couldn't be it for the two of you.

Sensing that you'd opened your eyes, Erwin broke away from your lips, whispering "I love you," against the sensitive skin of your throat and again at the skin just behind your ear. It seemed enough to focus you back to this moment, here with him now, trailing your lips along his neck until you were tugging his earlobe gently between your teeth.

Maneuvering you around so that he cradled your form, he continued the hungry assault of his lips against your skin, as he made his way back to the bed with you. Laying you gently into the pillow-y mattress, Erwin took several moments to appreciate the beauty he saw before him. Then, placing both hands to either side of your shoulders, he lowered himself down to meet you.

Dragging hot, wet lips and tongue over your body, Erwin brought you nothing but pleasure. He knew your body well--where to touch and how. He left a trail of fire in his wake, and your mind would have been completely blank, except for registering the feeling of his caressing lips, slick tongue, long fingers, and rough palms. Basking in the exquisite sensations, you had almost forgotten again that this would be the last chance for you to touch your love...to taste him...to see him gasp with pleasure, your name a sigh on his lips. 

Forcefully pushing him off you and onto his back, you returned the intense eagerness he'd shown, in order to make him feel good. The moan that ripped from his throat, as you took his length into your mouth, seemed to resonate through your own body. It only made you more frenzied with your urge to please him, and you sucked fast, wet, and greedily, further enjoying the groans brought out by him listening to your hungry display. 

Before he could be brought to climax, he stuttered out, "E-enough." Hauling you once more on your back, he hovered over you, looking intently into your (e/c) eyes. "Let me make love to you," he begged.

"Yes," you somehow managed to breathe out.

The two of you didn't break eye contact as he slowly pushed himself inside you, both watching every erotic expression of pleasure passing over the other's face. Thrusting forward, he moaned aloud before tangling his fingers together with yours, resting your arms just above your head. Face to face, skin to skin, he didn't need to say the words for you to understand how deeply he felt for you--how hard it would be to let you go.

Kissing you deeply, he said them anyway, letting you swallow them away from his lips. 

"I love you."

The affection is those cool blue eyes was clear and yet felt seductive in a way you'd never known. You couldn't help but to arch your back off the bed and further into him, bringing him deeper, closer. His body, so much bigger than yours, moving in gentle rhythm to match the pace of your hips, seemed immaculate. The way he was watching you closely while stimulating your bodies, started to take its toll on you.

He loved you and you were in love with him and this was the last time you would feel this pleasure he had repeatedly given you--mind, body, and soul. Overwhelmed with the sudden feeling of loss, tears began silently streaming down your face.

Releasing your hands, he wiped and kissed at the falling tears as you mumbled, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't want it to be the last time."

Calmly and with a certain look of reverence in his eyes, he repeated your earlier request. "Kiss me like it is."

Arms clutching tightly at his shoulders, you crashed your lips into his with all the desperation you were feeling. Your could feel Erwin's breath trembling as your tongues entwined again, and in almost no time you felt the coiled tension in your abdomen explode outward, as a sharp heat flooded your body from tip to tip, tingling up your spine and shaking your legs.

Still you didn't let up on your hungry attack of Erwin's mouth, sucking hard at his tongue, pulling his lower lip with your teeth, dragging coarse noises of desire out from his lungs.

His thrusting lost its steady rhythm as you felt him shudder as he came in pulsating waves inside you. It felt as though it lasted forever, his muscles twitching with release. He lay holding you gently beneath him, both of you trembling from the aftershocks of climax.

After finally catching your breaths, he rolled just slightly to his side, still facing you as he pulled you with him.

Fingers tracing your face, as if to memorize how you looked in that moment, he questioned, "You'll stay, won't you? This time you'll stay til I go?"

You nodded and he kissed you again, hugging you to him and whispering "I love you" as you fell asleep.

The next morning things felt awkward and strangely heavy through breakfast and him getting his Survey Corps uniform on, before asking you to come see the procession later that afternoon.

"I don't know, Erwin. That seems like a bad idea," you mused, even as he held you to him, caressing the soft skin of your arms.

Talking once more into your hair, he said, "Then tell me you love me."

Sighing you looked up at him and responded with your familiar answer. "I can't do that. I really feel like it's inviting death on you."

He sighed back, releasing you from his hold and stalking over to sit on the edge of the bed the two of you would no longer share. He looked more disheartened than you'd ever seen the man as he fixed his jeweled bolo around his neck.

Taking a seat on his lap, arms wrapping around that strong neck, you bargained, "If I'm supposed to move on, then swear to me you'll do the same. Swear to forget all of this."

His expression almost seemed angry for a brief second as he asked, "Why would I do that?"

"If you can swear it, I'll come to the procession and I'll make sure you can see me before you head through the gates," you offered.

It took several minutes for him to mull it over, but in the end, he did agree. Wishing you goodbye with one last embrace, he headed to gather his squads.

That afternoon, leading the processional with Hange Zoe, Mike Zacharias, and Levi directly behind him, he scoured the crowd. Right near the gate, he spotted you, standing atop a crate to make yourself taller among the throngs of people. He smiled wistfully at you as you did the same, and as he approached, he noticed you lifting a folded piece of paper out for him.

Looking confused, he took it quickly, unfolding it to read before his horse had only just passed you.

 

" _I said I wouldn't, but it seems this really is my last chance._  
If you die this expedition, I'll never forgive you. Good luck  
with saving the world.  
I love you, Erwin.  
    -(F/n)(L/n)"

__  
Turning his head back rapidly, he could just make out your lips enough to watch you mouth "I love you," before you were too far away for him to distinguish your features.

Erwin clutched the paper tightly in his fist, along with the reins of his stallion, as the gates to the wall opened. He welcomed the fact that his horse was at the head of the troops and that it galloped forward at a thundering pace. The wind whipped at his face, removing any trace of the few guilty tears that had gathered in the corners of those icy blue eyes.

He had sworn on his honor that he would forget you and let his heart move on. The last time he could see you behind him now, he would never have the chance to tell you he'd lied. 

 

**_End of Part One..._ **


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: This part contains spoilers if you've only watched the anime. They basically cover up to more recent released issues from the manga as far as Erwin's character is concerned, without really giving away anything going on with other series characters. Decide for yourself if that deters you.**
> 
>  
> 
> Only one thing has allowed Erwin to hold onto his humanity after all the battles, lies, and men and women he's sacrificed over his years as commander. The love he refused to let go...
> 
>  
> 
> Part 2 of 3  
> Like It's the Last Time (Erwin x Reader) 1/3 
> 
> *The cover image is not mine. I have sent a message to rixal to ask permission. If it's not alright, I will replace it immediately. In the meantime, checkout their work.*
> 
> Titan : Elvin Smith by rixal

  
It had been over four years since Erwin Smith had kissed you and held you in his arms for the last time. He had sworn to forget you and move forward, completely focused on the destiny he believed waited for him, but even as he'd sworn, he knew the promise was hollow.  
  
He would not then, nor could he ever, forget how he loved you, and he had no intentions to try. He had never lied to you in all the times you'd been together, always being honest about even the most unlikable aspects of himself. If believing he would move on was what it would take for you to forget about him, then he was willing to make that exception that day. He wanted you to, at the very least, have the _chance_ to find a person who would offer you the kind of romance he never could.  
  
Still --knowing that it had been over four years since you'd handed him the letter, that he kept always in his uniform's breast pocket, seemed a step backwards. There had been a time, however, when he could have recounted, down to the hour, exactly how much time had passed since he'd last felt your skin. The deeper into the war on Titans he plunged, the muddier those numbers seemed to become.  
  
Any time the commander was back inside the walls and not on mission, he took the time to send someone into the city and bring back news of how you were. At first it had been Mike Zacharias, one of Erwin's most trusted soldiers and the closest thing he had to a friend. He knew that, because he'd ordered him not to, Mike would never breathe a word to you or anyone else about what he was up to at Erwin's request.  
  
With Mike now gone, it had taken time for Smith to decide if still wanted the seemingly fruitless updates on your life. Not much seemed to change over the years. You'd had a job that you seemed to excel at quite happily. There had been suitors, but none that had drawn you in enough for you to really care. Erwin worried that pushing you away had been for naught, and that you didn't plan to move on anymore than he did. If that were true, he hated himself for every time he selfishly sought you out on his returns, just to wrap you in his arms. He hated how he had let the way you loved him melt away the stress and tension from the battlefield. He hated how he loved you knowing he could never stay, and he wouldn't forgive himself if that selfishness had taken away your chance at a normal life.  
  
When he did finally lose the will to avoid receiving another update, it had been the news he had been waiting for all this time. Not only had you been seeing a man, you were engaged to be married. You were finally free of him, and it was what Erwin thought he needed to hear these last several years. He had believed if he could just know that you would be taken care of and live your days in happiness, it would be enough for him. He thought that knowledge would bring him the satisfaction and solace he hadn't experienced since he left your side. It offered nothing but emptiness, and with it, frustration at his own naiveté.  
  
It didn't ultimately change things for him, but it did for you, so he went on as if things were fine that way. Erwin didn't intend for it to do so, and he hadn't truly noticed it happening, but it was starting to get to him more and more. Though, the only people who became aware of this were those closest to the grim commander. He could see on Hange's and Levi's faces that they were beginning to grow worried about him.  
  
He'd been able to easily hide from everyone, until now, that he was a man hopelessly in love. Now that he felt no satisfaction knowing you'd managed to move on, cracks were beginning to show. It wasn't that his two closest Corps members knew the reasons, but they _had_ noticed that he seemed to question whether he was in the right more often. They noticed that he seemed more troubled than ever before about the men and women he'd sacrificed, and he seemed to question whether he even had any humanity left worth salvaging.  
  
He had perfected hiding the reason for his general solitude over the last several years. It was most difficult for him in the beginning. He would come home, sit in his cold, empty bedroom, and remind himself that he had no right to come for you after the way he'd said goodbye. In the mornings or sometimes in the dead of night, he would find himself reaching out his arm to pull you closer against him, only to discover you weren't there at all. Oftentimes, if he was feeling particularly lonely, he would sit at the table with his mug of coffee in one hand and your letter in the other. It had certainly grown more creased and tarnished and stained with coffee, whisky, dirt, and blood throughout the years. In those early months though, when it was still fresh, he would take it out and remind himself that you had truly loved him.  
  
He began to think if there was just a way to keep his mind off the fact that half of his bed felt so exceptionally empty, maybe he wouldn't notice the void you left. There was certainly no short supply of women willing to be brought to Erwin Smith's bedchambers. The commander was a well-known and decisive military leader. He was tall and blond, with the bluest of eyes and a physique most anyone would _pay_ to see. He generally didn't even need to _ask_ his companions to give themselves to him. It was almost always they who insisted.  
  
However, none had the effect on him that you had. Most times, he wouldn't even allow them to stay in his bed, which was his whole reasoning for having them there in the first place. He'd had his fair share of shoes, books, and glasses thrown at him, during those evenings alone. That trail of angry women wasn't even anything that weighed on Erwin's conscience...but foolishly trying to replace you with just anyone did. Afterwards, he couldn't look at himself in the mirror. Still, he needed something to dull the loneliness-- to remind him he wasn't a monster, so he continued trying to numb himself with various women until even that tapered off.  
  
It had been over two years since Erwin had allowed himself even the carnal pleasure of release that only being intimate with another human could provide. The love he had for you, still lingering after everything...he felt it was the only thing left separating him from becoming as despicable a beast as the Titans or corrupt royals he fought to overthrow.  
  
Any time that line became too hazy for him, Erwin would find time to be alone, pull out the now heavily crumpled paper, and trace over the writing that reminded him that, at least, at one time, he'd felt human.  
  
The general population didn't much like him, some being very vocal in their distaste. That didn't bother Erwin. He felt their hatred was valid for the way he almost single-mindedly pursued his dream to see humanity back at the top. He was willing to sacrifice everything and everyone to see it through, but that didn't stop him from questioning if he was in the right and feeling deep remorse for those he had selfishly sacrificed.  
  
The military police especially hated Smith after what had happened at Wall Maria. Despite the fact that he himself was in the middle of the same fray and had lost an arm, they believed he made use of them _and_ his own troops as merely decoys. Almost no one seemed to grasp, as he did, that losing Eren Yaeger meant losing the war completely, and what he had ordered was only to that end.  
  
Recovering in the hospital afterwards, his mind was weak with thoughts of needing you by his side. He wouldn't be able to properly hold you now, but he felt desperate to see you. There was little time to dwell on such a thing before he was swept away into the next exploit, planning a coup with General Pixis and being accused of murder he didn't commit.  
  
In the long carriage ride to the prison, he again thought of you and wondered if you would still weep for him once he was killed. He wanted to be a good man that could say he didn't want you to cry upon his death. He really did want to, but his idiot heart betrayed him, a large part of him hoping you would still be devastated.  
  
During his immense torture, made worse by the fact that he'd only just lost his arm, he briefly considered giving in to the pain. In a moment of reprieve, he was able to collect himself enough to realize that he couldn't take the chance that you would be destroyed by his murder. A part of him wanted that, but what he had longed for all this time was for your happiness. If this might ruin that for you, he would surge forward through this torture. Smith held out until he was before the king, with memories of you flashing like crystal clear pictures in his mind.  
  
He felt refreshed after holding on to that piece of himself that loved you so, charging ahead to the next battle with renewed confidence and strength as a commander. After fighting to overthrow Rod Reiss, the first thing Erwin wanted to do was share his victory with you. He found that he was annoyed with himself. No matter how much he could shove aside in order to command the Survey Corps, he still seemed hopelessly weak when it came to you.  
  
He was ready to start planning a new phase in order to fight the Titans, but again he felt alone. If only he could see your face just once more... He reached into his uniform pocket for the familiar scrap of paper that had kept him feeling human all these years.  
  
That pocket and all the others were completely empty.  
  
= = = =  
  
Hange approached Levi with the scrap Hange found on the battlefield. Levi recognized the worn, filthy, distinctly stained page as belonging to their commander. Though he had come across Erwin alone with this paper many times, he had no idea what it said and had never asked. It wasn't his business, if Erwin had something like this in his free time. He assumed it was, perhaps, a letter from Smith's father, the only person close to him from his past that had ever been mentioned to Levi.  
  
Levi was quite surprised to see that the page was actually a love declaration, having assumed Commander Smith was far above such things. He felt a sense of betrayal, having dutifully followed any of Erwin's orders, no matter the cost, while believing Smith had given up everything to reach his end goal. Here, this paper made him believe for a moment that there was a woman at the root of everything Erwin had done and he found that immensely irritating.  
  
After giving it a second thought, Levi remembered all the times he had seen his commander with this page. Most times, it was when Erwin hadn't been aware that Levi had entered the room with him, always tucking it away quickly. A few times though, he'd come into the commander's office or chambers when he wouldn't respond, only to find him passed out face first at his desk or table, a glass of whisky and his forehead atop that letter.  
  
This wasn't someone Erwin was fighting for. Whoever she was, she hadn't spurred him into battle-- causing him to drive closer and closer towards villainy. Erwin didn't pursue this one-sighted goal of his to protect a single woman. This was someone he held onto, clutching the paper like it held for him his final strands of humanity.  
  
Hange correctly guessed that the reason why Erwin had seemed more reckless and hateful towards himself in recent months _must_ have something to do with the woman in the letter .  
  
Now that Historia was being placed as the new queen, and there were no immediate battles to be fought, Hange came up with a plan. Hange thought it might bring their leader back to his commanding and confident self. Levi was certain it would backfire and ordered Zoe to do no such thing, but Hange pointed out that it wasn't Levi who would be the next leader of the Survey Corps, and that Hange would do what seemed most beneficial for their units. Clicking his tongue, he told Hange he wanted no part in the scheme and to keep him out of whatever it was. Zoe agreed, Levi mused, with a slightly evil grin and glint in the eye.  
  
Uneasy with that crazed expression, Levi felt all he could do was hope Erwin wasn't too strained to deal with whatever Hange planned to shove at him, and that this (F/n)(L/n) was a patient and forgiving woman who wouldn't deck the Survey Corps' next commander in the face.  
  
= = = =  
  
There was a loud knock on your front door, and your fiancé rose to answer it. After a few moments, he called out to you. Your heart stopped and you tried to keep your feet moving towards the soldier stood outside your door, a clear Wings of Freedom sigil on the bespectacled person's uniform.  
  
It couldn't be. You could think of only one reason a Survey Corps member would be at your home and you were struggling desperately not to assume that possibility in front of your unknowing fiancé. You had tried so hard to do as he'd asked over the last four years and now that you had nearly managed, this bearer of bad news would come and take it all away in an instant. You wanted to slam the door in the odd-looking soldier's face.  
  
_Not now. Not after everything. He can't be dead now._  
  
You ignored your fiancé asking why a Survey Corps soldier would be calling for you by name, placing a hand on his forearm to quiet him.  
  
"Good morning, Miss (L/n). I assume you _are_ Miss (L/n)," the soldier stated.  
  
You nodded.  
  
"My name is Hange Zoe. I'd like to ask you a few questions on what you know about Commander Erwin Smith."  
  
The confusion on your fiancé's face was unmistakable, but he stood back out of the way as you invited this Hange Zoe inside.  
  
  
**_End of Part 2._**


	3. Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: This part contains spoilers if you've only watched the anime. They basically cover up to more recent released issues from the manga as far as Erwin's character is concerned, without really giving away anything going on with other series characters. Decide for yourself if that deters you.**
> 
> The pain of being apart from you can't compare to the sheer ecstasy being in your arms provides. Do you feel the same for Erwin? Will the two of you finally stop trying to do what "seems best" in favor of what "feels right?"
> 
> 3 Part Series:  
> Like It's the Last Time (Erwin x Reader) 1/3   
> Like It's the Last Time (Erwin x Reader) 2/3 
> 
> **The cover art is from みずしま on Pixiv**  
> http://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=3826399

Erwin was sitting at a table in the officers' barracks at the military training camp. He was listening to Levi threaten to break both of his legs if he insisted on going on the next mission, telling him that having one arm would certainly make him Titan food. There was no way the commander could be swayed, however. He felt so close to having answers after all this time of giving up everything else, and the results were more important to him than his life. He _had_ to know what was in the basement of the Yeager home, and not even Levi's could dissuade him.   
  
It was clear by Levi's actions that he was concerned that Smith had decided to use himself as bait to get what he wanted. Erwin couldn't even decide for himself whether or not that was true. What did it matter? If he could get the answers he was seeking, if he could push humanity's victory that much closer, then what did it matter if he died? There was no one to truly lament him, at least not in his mind.  
  
He didn't know what tomorrow held, and he wanted to spend the rest of the day reflecting on his goals and what came next, should he perish and the rest of the Survey Corps need to carry on without him. Shortly after Levi had closed the door to the study behind him, though, he opened it again.  
  
"What is it, Levi? Decide to break my legs after all?" Erwin jested flatly, not looking up from his cup of tea.  
  
"It isn't that, Erwin. It's Hange. It seems--" His voice sounded more than its usual irritated. It sounded almost anxious.  
  
"What's Hange done now?" he groaned setting his cup back on its saucer.  
  
"Erwin, I've brought you a surprise," Hange's voice came from down the hall, growing louder until she was in the room. "I didn't think I would actually pull it off. She seemed quite reluctant to agree to meet us, but she's come after all. I'll take my thank you in the form of new research materials."  
  
"What are you--" he began to complain, when an unmistakable face entered the room behind Hange.  
  
A little older, true, and an expression on your features that could kill, but it was definitely you. Erwin couldn't hide his shock, and his chair scraped loudly backwards as he rose to his feet. His knees knocked against the table and the sound of his tea cup clattering against its porcelain saucer seemed deafening in the heavy silence.   
  
Standing seemed to be the only thing he could manage. Everything else felt frozen in place, as the two of you stared at one another. You took a few steps forward and stopped, and Erwin made it around to the front side of the table.  
  
A few more thick, uncomfortable moments of silence passed before Erwin asked Hange, barely removing his eyes from you, "What's the meaning of this?"  
  
"No," you responded shortly, pointing a finger at him. " _You_ don't get to ask that. That's what _I'd_ like to know. Why have I been brought here, especially when this man seems to have no knowledge of the situation?"  
  
Sweet god, your voice. It may have been full of irritation and anxiety, but so long had it been since he'd heard it at all, that it sounded like music in his ears.  
  
Hange explained about the discovered letter and pulled it out to hand it over to you. Erwin's face and mind were blank, as you looked at the page, your eyes darkening with realization.  
  
"If you don't want your comrades to hear what I'm about to say to you, then now is the time to dismiss them," you said dangerously.  
  
He shook his head. "No. If these two were _this_ desperately curious, I'll let them hear. It seems they are more meddlesome than I expected."  
  
Levi actually growled as he glared in Hange's direction. Erwin would have to decide what to do with the two of them later.  
  
Slowly, you closed the remaining distance between the two of you, and without warning, you swung your arm, slapping your palm hard across his face. He winced at the stinging pain and saw his officers step forward to retrieve you.  
  
Holding up his hand, Smith held them at bay.  
  
"Don't," he commanded. "She has every right."  
  
"Who do you think you are?" you demanded. Your whole posture held such frustration and outrage, but there was something else in your eyes...something so akin to the heartache he felt every time he needed you.  
  
"It's been a very long time since we've seen one another, hasn't it, (F/n)?" he observed. You flinched slightly at him addressing you so casually. Pointing at your left hand, he added, "You've gotten engaged."  
  
You touched distractedly at the ring on your finger, before struggling to force out your next words. "You told me to mo...I tried...I tried to do what you asked of me. I tried to keep those promises. I've struggled trying to get here, but I did what you wanted."  
  
"Forgive me," Erwin prayed. "I didn't. I made no effort to forget your face. I didn't even _try_ to stop loving you."  
  
Your (e/c) eyes filled with resentment and grief. You barely managed to choke out your objection, "Bastard! How could you?"  
  
Banging a fist firmly to his chest, you pulled back to do so again, only to have him grab your wrist to stop you. He held it balled next to his heavily throbbing heart. Your eyes, unable to avoid meeting his concerned gaze at this closeness, were searching him. Your free hand grasped the side of his coat and pulled it over his recently mutilated arm.  
  
Gasping at the sight, you pressed your forehead to his chest. Erwin felt a phantom pain in the arm that was no longer there, as it ached to wrap around you and assure you he was fine.   
  
He looked beyond you and saw his two officers still standing silently, seemingly paralyzed over what was happening before them. Levi looked as scandalized as it was possible for the man to look, and Hange's expression was some strange mix of giddy and stupefied. He was about to dismiss the spectators, when you pulled his attention back to you.  
  
"I was there, Erwin," you muttered sorrowfully, backing away from him a bit.  
  
"Where, my darling?" He hadn't meant to say it. It had slipped from his mouth as easily as it had all those years ago.   
  
Your face shot up to him, and he was surprised to see that you looked more remorseful than angry over his use of the pet name.  
  
"The news of your arm spread quickly, but the news that you had been charged with murder and would be sent to the gallows spread even faster. There was nothing I could do but come to watch. I would have gladly thrown myself on the execution platform, had they not released you when they did."  
  
"I'm sorry to cause you such grief, even now," he started. "I'm so grateful you have someone to love that won't put you through these things."  
  
"That's right," you said, backing away even more. You shook your head as if you had only just remembered.   
  
Erwin wished he wasn't so good at lying. "Grateful," he had said. What a joke. He would have killed for you to have argued back that you didn't love the man. Instead, your mouth was set in a determined line.  
  
"I have a fiancé now! He's a good man, Erwin! He's kind and he loves me! He's a _good_ man."   
  
The way your voice trailed off at the end gave him pause. You hadn't said it. " _He_ loves _me_ ," were the words, and never " _I_ love _him_."  
  
"Are you telling me he's a good man or yourself?" He regretted the question once he saw you harden towards him again. "Sorry. Sorry. That was not my place to ask. I know he's a good man, (F/n)."  
  
Looking taken aback, you quipped, "Did you spy on him, too?!"  
  
"No, it's not like that. I mean only that he must be a good man for you to have chosen him." At least that much was sincere, even if it pained him to admit.  
  
"Is that so?" you laughed coldly. "Then why am I here? Why did I even come here to you in the first place? How could I be so careless with his heart?" you sobbed out, before dropping to your knees in tears.  
  
Erwin finally dismissed Hange and Levi, both of whom had been watching completely aghast that something like this was playing out before them, involving Smith of all men. Then slowly, he sunk down to his own knees and reached out to your cheek to wipe the tears.  
  
You flinched, pulling your head away. It was his fault again. He had been the source of your agony again. Even though he tried to push you away from him, it had done no good. Erwin was still responsible for your tears.  
  
"I'm a terrible person. I shouldn't have come here. I knew seeing you was a bad idea, but I--" you choked on a sob at the end of that statement.  
  
"(F/n), _nothing's_ happened. I kept the letter that caused Hange to seek you out. I'm the one that didn't keep up my end of the deal. You haven't done anything to betray him."  
  
"You're wrong! I'm so _angry_ with you. I'm furious! I thought I would come here and see you one last time and that it would give me some closure that you and I were really through. I haven't been able to shake that last bit of doubt that you would come back for me one day. I actually thought maybe you would be cold after all these years, and that I could believe you this time when you told me to stay away."  
  
His felt the tightness in his chest twist sharply.  
  
"How could you make me swear to give you up even in my heart and then do this to me? You promised to forget, but the look on your face when you saw me...the look in your eyes now? You still love me the same as you did then, Erwin. Don't you?"   
  
"No," he said seriously. Now wasn't the time to cover it up. Now might be the only time ever to tell you. "I'm afraid that love is much more by now."  
  
Your tears were streaming now, with you no longer making an effort to hold back what you were really feeling. "My heart stopped when I saw you. One look from you and it's ruining everything I've been trying to build.   
"He's so good to me, Erwin. He's never made a wrong move, I swear. He's done everything right. I _want_ to love him, and yet I've never felt for him that fire that ignited just from seeing your face. It isn't fair. He'd never hurt me. He'd never leave me waiting."  
  
One last try. One last time to do what he thought was best for you. Erwin felt maybe that would be enough for him to live with himself.   
  
"Go back to your fiancé. It's okay for you to move forward. I already know...we both do...that I never deserved to love you," he urged most half-heartedly.  
  
"Shut up, you stupid man! Shut up and hold me!" you ordered, voice strong and firm even through its tearful warble.  
  
He chuckled wistfully. Shrugging his right shoulder, he mournfully replied, "I'm afraid I only have one arm. I can't hold you the way I used to."  
  
"Hold me or forget my face this time. No more false promises. If you want me, I'm yours, no matter the wait.   
"If you still truly want to be rid of me, then stop holding on to my stupid letter or searching for me or leaving opportunities like these available. Forget that you love me, if you won't hold me now. I'll never forgive you if you can't be man enough to choose one of th--"  
  
Not only did he waste no more time clutching you to him, his lips were on yours, tongue delving passionately into your mouth in an instant. Your own arms came up around his back and neck, steadying yourself in the grip his one arm was able to provide. You pressed into the kiss with all the love and desire for this man that you had valiantly tried to suppress for over four years. Erwin could hardly feel you trembling at his kiss--not with the way his own body shook from his fevered passion for you finally being met.  
  
Pulling away from your lips, he struggled for air. His breath seemed to shudder more than even when he had barely escaped the mouth of the Titan that had taken his limb.  
  
"Forget your face? What do you think has pulled me through even the darkest moments of hell all of these years? I could never agree to that. Now that I've seen you, now that I've kissed you and held you, I won't let you go. I've tried not to be selfish, but I'm afraid I'm done with that. I can't afford _not_ to have you waiting for me any longer. I've taken on too much burden with this fight for humanity. I feel myself breaking--at my very edge."  
  
"Erwin!" You had never seen him this desperate for anything in his life. In fact, no one had, because Smith was certain that he had never _been_ this desperate. Worried with his uneasiness, you questioned, "Are you alright?"  
  
"No," he responded. He was embarrassed that he had quickly dissolved into someone so weak in front of the woman he most wanted to impress. "I'm not alright. You said you were a terrible person, but I'm the one who's awful. I've kissed you and told you I loved you more now than ever and disregarded completely what will happen to your fiancé. I'm selfish and weak and I'm asking you to be mine, (F/n). I can never deserve you. That's more true now than it was before, but still I'm asking it. After everything I've done...everyone I've sacrificed...loving you is the only thing that still makes me feel human. Please say your heart will belong to me alone."  
  
His stomach churned, and he didn't think it was possible for one person to be so mortified with himself the way he was now. He'd never begged for anything this way, but the words came easily and the nights without you had caused much more pain than his bruised ego ever would.  
  
You took your own shuddering breath. "That's what makes me terrible. It _does_ belong to you. It always has. I tried to move on like you asked, but I never did manage to love someone the way I love you. No matter how I forced it, no matter the suffering it may cause, yours is the only love I want."  
  
"You have it, my darling. You've always had it," he proclaimed. He lifted your fingers to his mouth, gently kissing the back of your hand, the inside of your wrist, inside of your elbow, just below the shoulder, until his lips claimed your neck as his, marking it a tender pink.  
  
"Do you remember that last night?" you asked. _Of course he did._ "Kiss me, Erwin. Kiss me like it's the last time."  
  
"Never again," he replied, pressing his lips against more of your skin. "I'll never give up the hope that there will always be one more kiss."  
  
"Then kiss me like it's the first."  
  
"Oh, I'll do much more than that," Erwin assured you, an elated glint in those ice blue eyes.   
  
He stood and pulled you to your feet, leading you away towards the bedroom you would share for several hours to come. He would not be present at the feast they had planned for his men that evening, and his plans to spend the evening quiet and alone were dashed, as well. The commander of the Survey Corps was forced to recognize that he'd never been so overjoyed to have a plan of his go this completely wrong.  
  
  
 ** _End.  
  
  
  
  
Extended NSFW Bonus Ending:_**

Too long.  
  
It had been too long since you'd been touched this way; since you'd been kissed this way. And as for how long it had been since your desire for someone had been this deep...that answer was "never." Not even for Erwin.  
  
Now that he had you alone, behind a closed bedroom door, you could hardly breathe. Your body was a mass of sensitive nerves catching fire wherever Erwin dared to touch. All the clothes still between the both of you felt heavy and undesirable, keeping you from the skin against skin friction you were desperate to experience with him again.  
  
Your bodies were older now, different. It truly would be a first time of sorts, rediscovering where you were soft and he was firm, relearning the patterns of new scars, and savoring the erotic gratification from remembering which spots caused shuddered moans of pleasure.  
  
The room was quite barren, meant only as a place for officers to stay when visiting the training grounds and scouting soldiers. There was a decent sized bed with plain bed linens, a small nightstand with a pitcher and cup and candle, and a wooden chair in the corner next to a simple desk. It wasn't difficult to decide where the two of you would spend the evening.  
  
Both of you had managed to lose your shoes on the way to the bed without ever breaking your kiss. You gently pushed Erwin down to sit on the edge of the mattress, and he eagerly shifted himself back further to allow room for you to crawl onto his lap.  
  
Already, you could see the strain your contact was causing to his tight, black slacks. You kiss him with a grin, lifting the flowing fabric of your long skirt and settling weight firmly against the bulge. Erwin takes a desperate gulp for air, already feeling the same ache of "too long." He feels good between your legs and you still haven't even managed to get down to where things are wet and throbbing and filling.  
  
He hums a deep and hungry sound before plunging his fingers into your hair, holding your face fixed in front of his, and seizing your eager lips with his own. The way it feels is familiar and welcome and you're far past light-headed at the physical reminder of who is parting your lips with his tongue.  
  
Suddenly, there's a startled sound from Erwin's throat, and the kiss breaks. He falls back against the mattress, trying in vain to stop himself in time with just the one arm to brace. About to respond in jest, you notice his expression has become distressed, and that the rocking of his hips up into yours has stopped.  
  
"Damn it," he swears, his fist knocking hard between his eyes, only to press in even harder in frustration.  
  
You take the fist away and uncurl his fingers, interlacing yours with his. You watch him patiently, and he watches you back, icy blues wandering hungrily over your form, disappointment and resentment creasing his brow.  
  
You know what he's thinking. "It's okay," you coo, using the hand not holding his to smooth the wrinkles his frown is causing his forehead.  
  
"It's not," he responds in a defeated voice you've never heard from him. "It hurts. There's not even an arm there, but I can feel it throbbing over not being able to touch you. I can feel the ache in fingertips that don't exist, searching for your skin. It's painful, and I can't even hold myself up with just the one arm."  
  
"Then don't," you tell him, leaning over him for a kiss on his cheek. "It's not what you want, I know, but all I want is to feel your skin. Let me help you this time, until you've grown used to the loss."  
  
He looks almost ashamed, but you know his need is as frantic as yours.  
  
"Erwin," you whisper against his ear. "Please, just tell me what to do." Your tongue grazes down the line of his neck to the two open buttons at the top of his white shirt, and his weight shifts under you, knocking his familiar girth up against your dampening underwear.  
  
"Get rid of the clothes," he hoarsely commands, and you're only too happy to obey.  
  
You start with your shirt, crossing your arms and pulling it swiftly over your head, before tossing it aside.  
  
"Oh god," he pants dramatically, "a fucking corset."  
  
"Sorry," you mutter.  
  
"Please don't be. You look magnificent."  
  
Leaning forward, you slide your tongue behind his ear before taking the lobe delicately between your teeth, pulling at it until Erwin growls erotically. Having undone the rest of his buttons, you slide the white fabric off of broad shoulders.   
  
Familiar bruising, darker set, is etched into his skin in the distinct lines of his gear's harness. Scars you knew and scars you didn't drew your eyes up his torso until they settled on the remainder of his bandaged bicep. You try not to, but the tears come uninvited and you bury your face into his neck.  
  
Large calloused fingers run over the top of your exposed back, as he laments, "It looks as bad as it feels, huh?"  
  
You shook your head rapidly against his neck, before looking up, grinning through your relieved tears.  
  
"You scared me. You made me think it would be something terrifying, Erwin." He looked a little confused as you scolded. "It's nothing of the sort, and you're still as maddeningly beautiful as ever. It isn't fair that you've grown more attractive with age."  
  
He laughs a short huff, bringing your face to him in another kiss. "Let me undress you," he begs. "I may be clumsy and fumble, but I'd like that pleasure, even if it takes me all night."  
  
"I've got all night," you respond seductively, rolling your hips against him as you sit up and move where he gestures.  
  
The skirt you wear is easy enough for him to pull down over your hips to discard. The corset would be trickier, but at least it was one that not only laced in the back, but had eye-hooks up the front. Erwin asks you to lay back and uses thumb and forefinger to pinch the fabric together until the lowest hook on your abdomen comes free.  
  
You offer him an encouraging smile that he's unable to resist. The next hook is more difficult, but he manages and is rewarded a delicious view of the soft skin at your lower abdomen. He can't hold himself back and leans low to run his tongue hot and wet against the flesh. The way it causes you to squirm below him only strengthens his resolve. Almost agonizingly slow, (not because he only uses one hand, but because he enjoys the taste and texture of your skin) Erwin follows the path of undone corset hooks with languid laps of his tongue.  
  
He sits back as he undoes the clasps that release your breasts with a satisfying bounce and groans appreciatively at the display. Leaning forward again, his breath tickles your skin as it moves warm over its surface. He licks swiftly over your nipple and blows out a cool breath, the now damp skin sending a shiver through you, before warm lips are working wet over the slopes of sensitive flesh.  
  
He still knows you. All these years later and he still knows when to flick his tongue or suck tenderly against skin. He knows where to nip and how hard. As his kisses follow down your stomach to just above your panties, you can no longer contain the urge that's been screaming in you to return the sweet torture he's providing.  
  
Pushing him to his back, you manage to have his pants discarded in an instant, followed by his trunks. The sight of him exposed and hard and already spilling precum in his desperate desire to fill you, causes you to drop all pretense for teasing games. You sink your mouth over his thick length, taking him all the way down to the base and back up, slick and hot and loud, again and again. You find bliss in the animalistic noises Erwin can't help but grunt out over the sound of your gentle humming slurps.  
  
"I can't take it anymore," he whines, pulling you off of him, eyes full of lust. "Please, (F/n). I can't take it. I need to be inside you."  
  
Heaving out a heavy sigh, lips curling into a seductive smile, you merely pull your panties aside enough for him to enter, before your wet folds meet his smooth tip and you slip easily down onto him. You arch into the touch and Erwin sounds as if he can no longer breathe, pressing his hips upwards, driving himself into you hard.  
  
Your (e/c) eyes fall on his and there's an unmistakable change from lust to something deeper...more sincere.  
  
Reaching his hand up to brush his fingers across your cheek, you hold it in place with your own hand, turning your face to kiss his palm. You ride him with a soft, continuous roll of your hips. Your vision grows hazy with desire and the rise and fall of Erwin's chiseled chest only makes your need more raw.  
  
"Kiss me," he demands, voice catching in his throat.  
  
Your lips meet again and he squeezes tightly at your thigh with his hand. He actually whimpers his need over the way your lips brush softly and intimately with his. When you pull away, his eyes are glassy and wide with emotion.  
  
"Again," he orders.  
  
Giving him a half-smile and shaking your head over how gorgeous this deprived side of him is, you're quick to comply, parting your lips for him delicately and melting into his touch.  
  
His hips thrust up into yours, urging you faster, and as you slide quicker around his thick cock, you feel that familiar heat crawling over your skin. It starts in your belly and shivers up your spine and it feels white hot behind your eyes, until Erwin pumps upwards even harder. You nearly choke on the gasp that rips from your chest, before you feel yourself cumming, pulsing, throbbing.  
  
Your lips are pressed hard into Erwin's now, biting his lip, groaning his name as you ride out your orgasm. You feel and sound relieved and continue to roll your hips in time with his.  
  
"May I ask for something?"   
  
It's too good. He's too good. The way he looks so desperate continues to drive you wild. You'll give him anything--anything this man desires.  
  
"Anything," you somehow manage to respond aloud.  
  
"I want to take you on that desk," he says, motioning to the one in the corner.  
  
You offer a sly smile before standing and pulling him up to meet you. He makes it difficult to manage the few steps across the room, pressing his palm flat against your stomach, pushing your whole backside against as much of his skin as possible. He scrapes his teeth lightly over your neck and shoulders, humming as if nothing could taste more delicious.  
  
Turning as you reach the desk, you grab tightly onto his hips, marveling at his glorious physique. Your fingers slip around a little further, enjoying the firmness of his ass, and you pull him against you, keeping him there as you back yourself onto the desk. His eyes seem all pupil, dark with greed for your body, and he leans over to taste more of your flesh, before rising, looking almost like a god from this angle--tall and muscular and perfect.  
  
Standing between your legs and lining himself up at your entrance, he pushed himself inside, both moaning at the feel of your walls squeezing tightly around him. You could see why he wanted this. He was in charge and didn't have to worry about supporting himself with his arms. He was free to be strong, thrusting deep and hard, tearing moans of ecstasy from your chest.  
  
Slow and deep, that's how he begins filling you, sucking in harassed gasps of breath as he comes unhinged by the sound of wet flesh sliding together. His hips speed naturally, unable to resist the sweet friction until he's pounding into you and the desk is creaking and your moans are loud and unbridled and begging him to go harder still.  
  
"Erwin! God, yes!" you shout, groaning loudly as he drives you hard and fast over your edge again. Your hips buck against his and your insides clench and tighten as your senses fill with burning euphoria.  
  
"You're so damn beautiful," he responds, unable to hold back his own cry of bliss.  
  
Suddenly, there's a loud knock at the door, and you both freeze, Erwin's hand still gripping frantically at your hip.  
  
"Commander Smith," comes Hange's voice. "Is everything alright? We hear it sounding a bit intense back here."  
  
Your eyes widen and you cover your mouth with the back of your hand.  
  
"So help me, Hange," Erwin growls loudly, "if anyone else comes to this door before it's time to leave tomorrow, I swear I'll kill them by my own sword!"  
  
You're smiling at his threat, hand still over your mouth, even though you know it's only half jest. He waits a moment, listening for the sound of boots to grow distant, before looking to you, horrified.  
  
"I'm sorry!" he exclaims and you can't help but burst into soft laughter.  
  
He leaned over and pressed his forehead to yours. "I've embarrassed you."  
  
"Not me, Commander Smith," you taunt. "I've waited to feel like this for nearly five years. You think I care if a few soldiers hear how loud you make me moan?"  
  
He cocks an eyebrow and smirks. Sucking hissed air over through his teeth he marvels, "Sexy woman," before letting loose his hips once more, pounding fast and hard and loud.  
  
It doesn't take long before his thrusts stutter out of time, breath catching, and he groans so harshly some might mistake it for pain. He shakes on his legs, throbbing inside of you, and he thrusts a few more times riding his orgasm out to its end. Tugging you up, the two of you somehow manage to stumble back into the bed, heaving for air like you'd just run a race.  
  
Kissing over his waist and up his torso, you settle yourself on his shoulder, and he wraps his arm around you. His hand runs calmly through your hair, and your lips continue to press warm and quick against his skin.  
  
"Say it again," he requests.  
  
Looking up to his smile, you mirror his joy. "I love you, Erwin."  
  
"I love you," he responds.  
  
"What's next?" you ask.  
  
Sighing he answers. "Next...I'll have some food brought for us. And after that," he adds suggestively, hand squeezing firmly at your behind, "more of this."  
  
Though, you laugh and nod agreement you say, "That's not what I meant."  
  
"I know."  
  
After a pause, he says, "I honestly don't know what comes next. I know that these years have taught me that doing this alone is not what I want. Being here, with you, no matter how brief...it feels like I can get through anything. It doesn't matter to me if that isn't true. The feeling of that is worth more than all the rest."  
  
You smile and kiss him deeply again, swiping your fingers through his blond hair.   
  
Continuing he says, "Death might take me tomorrow, but for me it will be worth it, because I'm a better person when I have you here. Will you forgive my selfishness?"  
  
"If you forgive mine. I won't ever let go again, Erwin. My heart is yours, even in death...and you must wait for me there until I join you. I won't accept anymore last times."  
  
"Neither will I, my darling. I'll treat nothing with you like it's the last time."  
  
  
  
  _ **END.**_


End file.
